apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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