I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
