i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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