I hate your face
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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