is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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