My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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