Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
