I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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