you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
