This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
