There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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