i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
