So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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