I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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