FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
