I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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