My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
