none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
