I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
