Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
