I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
