well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
