the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
