can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
