this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
