just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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