Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my liver is dry heaving
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
