So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
