I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it because I queefed?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
