Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
