i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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