Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
