New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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