used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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