my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
