I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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