you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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