How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
