highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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