the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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