This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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