i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
