I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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