So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
