Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
