matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
