Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
