Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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