ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
