Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
