you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
