I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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