I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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