let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
tell me about the eggs
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
