Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
