Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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