if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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