Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
