Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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